Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
