he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize