I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
