i barfeds in our rink
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
