hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
