bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize