we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize