no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
