just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
