Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
