just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
