I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drunk is not a location!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
