I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
