I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
