Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
