took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
