It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
