Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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