you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
