i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize