i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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