Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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