What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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