I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
