"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
