i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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