Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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