if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
