your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sex in a hospital.. check
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
