is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just gift wrapped bread.
So squirting runs in the family.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
