bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
