Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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