We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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