so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
