You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
