my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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