Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
