As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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