What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
