hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
