He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
