I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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