If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
