Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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