OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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