wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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