babies were throwing up all over the place
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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