How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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