I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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