are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
