Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize