I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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