Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We got so high we made milksteak
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
