woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
