I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
