Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
