OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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