Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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