omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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