i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
