How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
