OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
